"good Noah stories"

I got an email from Carolyn, Penny's sister, Tuesday morning asking me if I had any good Noah stories. I couldn't think of any off the top of my head so I decided to think on it for a while. Things have been kind of quiet on the "good Noah stories" lately. Noah, little Noah - so smart - apparently knew Carolyn was looking for a few good stories. So, Carolyn's email set off a chain of events like none I hope to experience again... :)

As I'm pondering the question of a good Noah story, I decide to put painter's tape around the crown molding of the foyer so I can paint once they both down for their afternoon nap. Natalie is down for her morning nap and Noah is "helping" me. I'll give him a piece of tape and he'll run into the kitchen and put it on the wall or on one of his toys. Then, suddenly, I realize and think to myself, "He hasn't been back for tape in few minutes. Things are quiet - too quiet." I say, "Noah, what are you doing?" His response: "I need a diaper." Oh No!!! I walk into the living room and find his pajamas, his socks and his diaper in the floor - there he sat, on the couch, naked, watching Backyardigans. There's a good Noah story for Carolyn. You would think that would be enough but then he had to be cute, too.

Me: "Noah, we're going to see Santa tomorrow."
Noah: "See Easter Bunny. Not Santa."

That should be enough good Noah stories for Carolyn, right? WRONG!!!

I wake up this morning to find snow on the ground. It's expected so I decide today is "potty training" day. After 30 minutes, 3 pairs of underwear, 2 pairs of pants and 6 trips to the toilet where he went pee, I give up. Today is NOT "potty training" day!

Dave calls to say the roads aren't bad and we can meet for lunch at the mall to see Santa. It's 1115 and he has a 200 meeting. I haven't showered - luckily the kids have been fed. It'll be close but I can pull this off if I hurry. I jump in the shower, get the kids changed and search for all the "accessories" that go on any given car ride: dog, drink, snacks, diapers, blanket, teething toys, etc.

Once all is loaded into the diaper bag, I have to take the bag to the car. I tell Noah, "I'm putting the bags and Natalie in the car. I'll be right back and then we can go see daddy at the mall." I knew the words "see daddy" would be all it would take to get a very mischievous 2 year old to obey, right? Again, WRONG!! I load Natalie in the car, throw the bags in the front seat, start the car so it's warm for Natalie since it's only 27 degrees outside. This is a normal routine for us since Natalie's arrival 6 months ago - one child and the diaper bag in the car, back in the house for child number two. As I reach for the door to go into the house, the door knob doesn't turn.

What - try again - nothing!!!

"Noah, open the door."
Jiggle - jiggle of the handle from inside.
"I can't."
"Noah, let go of the door handle."
"I did."

Quietly, to myself so Noah doesn't hear me curse and hear panic in my voice, "Oh SHIT!! Noah is locked in the house. Shit - Shit - Shit!!" (We don't carry house keys on the key chains. The only key that we keep outside the house goes to the deadbolt on the garage door. The deadbolt isn't the one he locked.)

Think - call Dave. Shit, my phone is on the counter next to the kitchen sink.

Go to the neighbors - Shit, nobody's home. "What the hell, there's 3 inches of snow on the ground and it's 27 degrees outside, where the hell is everybody!!!"

"Noah, turn the button."
Jiggle - jiggle of the hand from inside again.
"I did."

Think - think - think...even if I get a hold of Dave, he doesn't have a key either... Think - think - think... Maybe there's a window unlocked at the back of the house. Not likely but what are my options. Laundry door - locked! Bathroom window has a screen. I know the window is locked but I'm desperate. Tear a hole in the screen so I can reach my hand in - locked!! Damn It!!! Kitchen window - locked!!!! What the hell, we live in suburbia, why are all the windows locked on the house!!!!!

Oh - there's hope... The back door... "Noah, come see me! Noah I'm at the window by your toys! Noah..."

I can see his little head bobbing up and down as he runs from the kitchen to the living room. He's not worried at all. You can tell by his walk that he doesn't really understand why I'm not coming in the garage door where I went out. Why am I yelling at him to open the door... Fun game!!

"Noah, turn the knob." His little hand reaches for the deadbolt. He knows it well. He locks it when Dave goes out that door to put food on the grill. (Thus the reason for the key to the garage door being outside the house.)

"Noah, turn it the other way." His little fingers turning slowly - confused! Usually when he turns that knob, he gets in trouble for locking Dave out.

Success at last - I'm in the house!!! Smart man - locks mom out and manages to let her back in another door. After "a good job for letting me in, you're naughty for locking me out" speech we are off to see Santa!!

We see Santa and come straight home. I don't want to temp fate anymore. I have plenty of stories for Carolyn and it's only been about 36 hours, let's not push our luck!! I do have a new strategy for loading the kids in the car... Noah goes first!!! Oh the adventures of being a mom. :)

I hope you've enjoyed my "good Noah stories", Merry Christmas!!